so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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