I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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