Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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