I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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