she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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