the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
