she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
