We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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