i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
