I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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