just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
