Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
