I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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