Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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