i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
