I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
