your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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