You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
it glows. i had to have it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
