I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
