Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
where are you?
Hypothermia
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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