Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
