My hand turned me down
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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