Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
