I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Still dying that you shit outside
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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