So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
