I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Everything about him screamed your future.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
