I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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