Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize
