i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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