Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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