Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
