xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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