I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We had sex on a dog bed..
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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