maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
