What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
