i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
