Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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