We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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