32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
