i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
