so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
