so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize