i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
