How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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