bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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