She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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