look no pants
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
