I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
