Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
