Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
