My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
im six kinds of drunk right now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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