the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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