It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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