Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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