dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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