I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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