How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
