Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize