I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
