I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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