Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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