who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
