If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
A bitchslap is in order.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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