Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
