why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
