Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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