she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
