are you still at the devil's house?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
