TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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